jean therapy

this makes even more sense than I care to explain

Rather than actually sort through my messy, ambivalent feelings about the vast social/professional upheaval that awaits on the other side of a mercifully improving coronavirus situation (so soon — relatively speaking!! — after the vast social/professional upheaval that accompanied the onset of the coronavirus situation) I intend to celebrate the promise of a spring and summer that Doesn’t Suck by buying jeans.

Denim? For your lower half? Groundbreaking.

And if you’re ready to re-embrace the tough love of non-stretch 100% cotton and what it can do for your ass, allow me to streamline the process with a Take:

You can and maybe should buy all your jeans from Levi’s.

Levi’s? For denim? Groundbreaking.

After the awful accidental hibernation of the past six months, I was ready to splurge on jeans from any of the aesthetically aspirational brands selling the staple for a couple hundred dollars each. I was determined to splurge, even. But my dogmatic commitment to forgoing even a single percent of elastane makes perfect fit that much harder to find. I absolutely have not tried all the upscale jeans that I would like to (if you want to take this an invitation to comp me some duds, I can’t stop you) but the ones I have tried have all been returned and my jean drawer remains literally exclusively Levi’s (including several hold overs from the last time we all wore hard pants.)

A one-size-too-big (per my tweet. sorry for that sentence) pair of “ribcage straight ankle” jeans are officially my perfect pant and absolutely what I am wearing next you see me. They are $108 if that!!! I will buy any shape or color of their ribcage rise — a designation that I hate, but have to admit is accurate.

Because I am washed and buying jeans with anything less than a full foot of lower torso coverage feels edgy, I also got these vaguely ‘70s 501s with patches for when I want to feel edgy. I’m wearing them right now after eating a bunch of pasta for dinner and somehow haven’t even considered changing into my jammies. All that and they’re (ostensibly) sustainable for $97. What more could you want (in a pant, specifically, beyond that the world is endlessly wanting).

(A lot of stuff that is currently sold out on Levi’s actual website is still available at shopbop instead.)

dressed exclusively in items mentioned in this newsletter

What else have I bought lately?

These New Balance dad shoes that were cool two summers ago on Instagram even though now I really want these New Balance dad shoes that were cool last summer on TikTok.

Several crop tanks from Arq that are somewhere between a shirt and a bralette. As soon as I succumbed to the inescapable branding of Arq as aggressively organic basics for earnestly low key women who can’t even be bothered with bras, I was dubious that I’d made a rookie mistake. Anatomically speaking, I basically have to be bothered with bras, and bothered I am! About my inability to embody the effortlessness of a single layer of spaghetti-strapped fabric. Despite their styling, these couldn’t possibly provide enough support, right? Well, they’ve arrived and I’m astonished to say: They do. Either that or I’ve lost the capacity to care about such things.

Plus, as Jake pointed out, they go from day to night — AKA from working on my patio to falling asleep while watching west coast baseball.

I did not buy these Brother Vellies ponyhair cowprint Birkenstock-style mules but I do posses them. They were a Christmas present from Jake who picked them out himself. I didn’t email him the link. I didn’t leave the page open conspicuously. I didn’t tell him to “tell someone else, in case they’re looking for ideas” that I’d really love to receive them. He just…got them. And fuck, they are so good. I basically didn’t wear them for months because: winter, and I don’t know if you’ve heard but: pandemic. And now I almost can’t believe that such definitively stylish and yet totally nonchalant shoes are available to me on a daily basis. (Get you a man who, etc. etc.)

the socks and styling aren’t doing the shoes justice but hopefully the cute cat helps

Someone should buy…

  • These sustainable linen shorts in sage which you can then pair with this basically non existent (and that’s the appeal) linen tie top. For aforementioned bra-reliance reasons, I will not be buying the top, but I might buy myself the shorts and begrudgingly pair them safari-style with the short sleeve button down while trying to tell myself that some people find zookeepers very alluring.

  • This upcycled denim jacket made from… two other denim jackets! I haven’t thought too hard about how feasible the price point or cross-Atlantic shipping situation is because I just know the asymmetrical hem will make my teeth itch, but I love the *idea* of it, ya know?

  • This kinda kimono, loudly commando, proudly princess-pink dress that I seriously considered getting for an upcoming anniversary (more on that in a minute). And then I remembered that as a person who doesn’t even really know what it means when someone says they like to “party,” that this dress doesn’t even know me. This dress is getting a private karaoke room while I put on a podcast to water my plants.

  • More sage and another rejected anniversary dress, this one from Staud. I fuck with a semi formal exposed midriff, but Jake hated the sleeves. Sure I cry while listening to Folklore on my stupid little walks in the park, but I draw the line at cottagecore style.

And yet, thanks to that dress I’m eyeing…

This strappy, sexy, cropped/cutout, crisp shirting situation that maybe we’re doing this season???

I will spare you too much self-pitying about having to forgo another pandemic party, but after my 30th birthday passed with negative fanfare at the height of it all last spring, I pinned all my hopes on a blowout fifth anniversary this May 1. We are doing the obviously decent thing and nixing that whole idea to celebrate with only each other. But if I had the excuse of “renewing our vows” (or whatever you say to get a second shot at a streamlined wedding) I would buy this bad boy in a heartbeat.

(This vintage dupe is much more casual, affordable, and reasonable, and yet I don’t love it?)

Since I don’t need a long white dress, should I instead invest in any color of this top with a similar vibe from Jacquemus? At that price? In this economy? No way. Right? I mean where would I even wear that other than anywhere I might be seen.

More evidence that I could (should???) build an entire summer style around buttons and side cutouts? Almost everything from Nanushka — a brand that I discovered during the course of writing this and that I will absolutely be wearing to the next formal event I attend. Please only invite me to soirees where this dress is appropriate. Or this look. I don’t need an occassion to buy this denim number but I do, unfortunately, need five hundred and forty-five United States dollars. Alas.

I will not be unpacking why it’s suddenly so important that you see my abs or why I’m window shopping like my post-pandemic life will basically be one long cocktail hour, but I will endeavor to find iterations more suited to my lifestyle and budget.

It’s very impressive that I managed to get this far without any apologetic throat-clearing about how long it’s been since I last wrote a newsletter. I wonder if putting in writing a plan to publish once a month will help. Let’s find out together. Come back next time to see what I actually wore to my anniversary dinner and some suggestions that aren’t just me wilding out.

See you in May. Promise. Maybe.